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Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

Of course they protest – they are the main perps

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on May 31, 2008

Queue a parent who’s sole point was basically, this shouldn’t be given to the under 10s (the booklet is written for the 9-11 age group). But her point was that parents should be given the right to choose about whether and how this information is distributed. Which is laudable in most families. But not in others – in some families leaving it to the parents simply won’t work because it is parents who are abusers or parents who are protecting abusers. To claim, as she implicitly does, that parents can’t be part of the problem is naive and blinkered. Lets run that again – this is a booklet on child abuse, most physical abuse is committed by parents or caregivers, neglect and emotional abuse is committed by parents or caregivers, sexual abuse can be committed by parents or caregivers. Prioritising the parent in this discussion misunderstands the intention – to inform children that their rights are not reliant on their parents allowing them access to them.

Of course the Parents are going to protest – as parents are abusers more or less by definition, from the child’s point of view. Naturally they won’t want their source of drug/fix let go or be informed of its rights.

I’d report the parent that objected to the police as a suspected sexual abuser or protector of an abuser.


Posted in Child abuse, Human Rights, Parenting, Sexual abuse | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Australian, 12, Cleared for Sex Change

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on May 26, 2008

Australian, 12, Cleared for Sex Change 11:53 AM

Australian, 12, Cleared for Sex Change: Report – Yahoo! News Health & Wellness (tags: Transgender, FtM ) Henric C StarsButterfliesGold Notes – 13 seconds ago – The judge said that while the initial treatment was reversible, it needed to be seen as the first step in a process which, if continued, would allow the child to live as a male.

SYDNEY (AFP) – A 12-year-old Australian girl has been allowed to begin the first phase of a sex change after a judge decided it was in the best interests of the child, reports said Sunday.

The unnamed girl has begun hormone treatment to block puberty after the family court judge accepted an application from her mother for her to begin to reassign her gender, the Sunday Herald-Sun reported.

The judge said that while the initial treatment was reversible, it needed to be seen as the first step in a process which, if continued, would allow the child to live as a male.

“In my view, and on all the evidence, the treatment is in his (the child’s) best interests,” the judgement said.

During a hearing in December, the court heard that the 12-year-old had thought of herself as a boy since the age of four.

Several medical experts, including a psychiatrist, backed the sex-change application, as did an independent lawyer for the child and a family counsellor.

However, the child’s father could not accept that the girl had always seen herself as a boy and opposed the sex-change decision in part because of her young age, the court was told.

But the court said it needed to act quickly to prevent the onset of puberty as the girl dreaded the prospect of menstruation and developing breasts, the Sunday Herald-Sun said.

Further court applications must be made at a later stage if the child wants to take the process further and deepen her voice or develop facial hair.

Surgery to remove the womb and ovaries or build a penis cannot be done before the age of 18.

The court ruled that the 12-year-old can now apply for a new birth certificate and passport in a boy’s name.

A huge ethical row has erupted over a judge’s decision to allow a 12- year-old girl to have a sex change that will turn her into a teenage boy.

The child’s father, who is separated from her mother, is outraged at the prospect but despite his objections the taxpayer-funded sex swap has already got under way.

His daughter, who cannot be named because of her age, is already having hormone treatment in Australia in what is one of the first such cases involving a child so young.

The girl has also been given permission to apply for a new birth certificate, passport and medical card in a boy’s name.

Last night, a relative of the child claimed the girl had been ‘vindictively brainwashed’ by her mother into making the decision to have the change.

A cousin who stayed with the girl’s family for two and a half years said yesterday that after a bitter break-up the mother had used the child to ‘get back’ at the father.

‘She’s been brainwashed from an early age,’ said the cousin, who has to remain anonymous to protect the Victorian girl’s identity.

‘The mother drilled into the girl from an early age that she would have preferred a boy.’

Now the father, who considers his daughter is far too young to make a decision on her gender, is appealing to Melbourne’s legal fraternity for help in fighting the case after he ran out of money to afford representation in opposing the sex swap request.

The Victorian Family Court was told that the girl had always considered herself a boy and was at risk of self harm if she continued to develop into a woman. Hormones now being implanted under the 12-year-old’s skin every three months will stop her from developing from a child into a woman, including preventing her hips and breasts from growing.

A further court application must be lodged in coming years for testosterone treatment to deepen the girl’s voice and promote growth of facial hair and muscles. Surgery to remove her womb or ovaries or build an artificial male sex organ must wait until she is at least 18.

The court was told that the hormone therapy was reversible and would give the family ‘breathing time’ with progressive sex change treatments and operations requiring further court orders.

‘I question how reversible the treatment is,’ said the cousin. ‘There will be psychological consequences that are not reversible. ‘I don’t think the side effects have been adequately considered. How people treat her will have an effect. ‘She will never have this time in her life again.’ News of the judge’s decision to grant the sex-change treatment has sparked furious debate.

Medical ethicist Dr Nicholas Tonti-Filippini described the ruling as ‘astounding’. He added: ‘I fail to see how it can be in the interests of a young girl to undergo treatment that will change her for the rest of her life.

This is a great story!

It is good to see that there are people in the world who realize that being transsexual/transgendered is not a choice, a disease or a mental illness, but a matter of IDENTITY and of life and death.

Too many TS/TG kids have killed themselves at the onset of puberty, because they had no other way of coping with their bodies betraying them.

I wish this little brother of mine all the love, acceptance and blessings he can pick up along his journey. And big kudos to his mother for listening and standing by her son.

Posted in Human Rights, Parenting | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

To Strike With a Shoelace…

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on June 2, 2006

Yocheved shared an absolutely beautiful Story, that I thought would make a good Dvar Torah for this Shabbat – which is Shavuot, by the way!

“Thought I’d share this neat experience: When the girls were very young (they are 10 and 11 now) I read a midrash that said if you must strike a child, do so with a shoelace. I felt this was what G-d wanted for my children and that corporal discipline was an unneessary tool in their case. So I committed to this.One day, about a month ago, my little girl, Yemina was in a “funk”. She gets really moody sometimes and was really barking at her older sister, Zipporah, who is far more easy going. I had had about all I could take with her yelling at her sister and I went to my bedroom. A few minutes later, Z came in and was crying about something Yemina had said to her which was really ugly and demeaning and not worth reporting. I told her to send in her sister.

A few minutes went by and I knew my blood was boiling. I love a peaceful, quiet home, and Yemina was systematically dismanteling it. Then I prayed, and I decided not to do all the typical, “Straighten up or you will find yourself grounded, or eating by yourself, and so on. I abandoned all of that and asked G-d to give me wisdom. A minute later she appeared, sulking, arms crossed, her beautiful features twisted into a sour scowl. I didn’t say anything because wisdom hadn’t come yet. I didn’t know what to say without my arsenal of tricks. So it became quiet and frankly awkward and uncomfortable. Then, I said (very gently), “Yemina, I think you might be out of balance. Your yetzer ha-ra has been running unchecked lately.” I looked at her, she began to rock but clearly had nothing to say to me. Then I said, “you can feel it can’t you?” She bowed her head lower and started to sniffle. I went to her and held her with all the love in a mother’s heart.

I told her I loved her so much, and that it made me hurt when I saw her hurting and that we could pray together and start to feed the yetzer ha-tov in her by purposely doing good things so that it would grow stronger than her yetzer ha-ra, and that pretty soon, it would be so easy to control her bad impulses because they had been kept under check with discipline. She held me so tightly I thought she’d pinch me in two! And she wept a truly penetant and heartfelt cry for help. Ever since that day, things have never become so out of hand. I remind her of the inward check-up and she knows what is going on. I really think she didn’t know why she felt the way she did, and her anger and confusion was part of her lashing out.

I am really glad that MY Yetzer Ha Ra didn’t stay stirred up when dealing with her, because I would have missed a a real pinnacle turning point and a very tender moment. For what it’s worth– Shalom! Yocheved” Ref: “Rav said to Rav Samuel bar Shilat: If you hit a child, strike him only with a shoestring.”(Bava Batra 21a)

I am not going to comment further here – I might in my Torah Blog – but here this story stand pretty well for itself.

Shabbat Shalom!

Posted in Parenting | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

Solution: Empower the Kids

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on May 27, 2006

“Until we dig our heads out of the sand and say “ENOUGH!!!” and start talking and taking back the power from the abusers, nothing will be accomplished, except for a lot more hand wringing, and a lot more potential from the young people (children) lost forever.” From Shari’s Blog

Oy! Yes! I agree. “Taking back the power from the abusers.” Yes, that’s it. That’s what we need to do! Question is how do we do that? EDUCATION. EMPOWERMENT through education. Teaching our children that abuse is not the normal way of relating to others, so when adults use violence, any kind of violence, they are WRONG. Teach children to be DISRESPECTFUL of adults in a helathy way. I and my wife love children who are sassy and question our actions and our values. It’s a sign of mental health – it shows that they do not fear. It is good and healthy to question authorities – it keeps the authorities honest.

Creating legislation that allows children to leave abusive parents the first time a parent hurts them – and it shouldn’t be just physical violence. A parent that speaks disrespectfully of and to their child will sooner or later reach the point where they use physical violence.

Create legislation that empowers other adults to take action. Make it profitable to step up and defend kids who are being verbally abused in public. Make it illegal as in “you go to jail for aiding and abetting” if you fail to step in and defend children that are being abused in any form, manner or way.

We also need to educate the general public about what children actually are.

1. Children are not property – this is the most prevalent misconception about being a parent. That as a parent you own your child. This is WRONG! Children are PEOPLE, just like any adult – the only difference between children and adults is EXPERIENCE. To look at other people like property, is just what the 18th and 19th centuries slave owners did.

2. Children are born good, perfect and healthy – unfortunately for kids, Xian teachings about Original Sin have resulted in kids being beaten, punished, hurt and killed from the day they were born as being ‘bad’ and ‘sinful’ simply because they are kids and human. Children will do anything to please, because they are dependent on the adult to care for them, and they CRAVE love and acceptance. I.e positive re-enforcement works like clockwork, because the love and acceptance the child recieves for following directions given is EXACTLY what he/she needs.

3. Parents are not beyond reproach – i.e parents do have to EARN their children’s respect and they are not entitled in any way to special privileges just because they are Parents. For an article on the matter of “Honoring one’s Parents” from a Biblical perspective read my other blog.

4. You learn all your values, ethics and basic life skills before the age of 5 – after that all you do is practice and perfect them. If we as adults have not taught our children functional life skills and values (through being examples, non-abusive guidance and positive re-enforcement) before they are 5, it really is no idea trying later, because it will simply be a waste of time. And it will be abusive, because we will be attempting to break something that has become ingrained in their nature. It is possible to divert negative life skills and so on, but it is no longer possible to un-learn what has been learned before the age of 5.

5. Children have the same rights as adults – children are included in the UDHR – they do also have a Charter of their own, which every adult should know by heart and do their damnnedest to make sure they fullfill in relation to ALL children.

Khalil Gibran said: “Children don’t come of you – they come through you.”


Posted in Parenting | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

Mandatory Parenting School…

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on May 24, 2006

“I guess what I am trying to say is this, there are no reasons on earth for people who wish to become parents as long as the few who may inadvertently tar and feather that group are helped and given the life skills they need to stop the cycle of abuse, once and for all.” (From the blog The Slush and Mush Pile)

Oh, I am all for Mandatory Parenting School, I am just not very keen on ‘genetic screening’. Genetic screening for any other reason than hereditary debiltating illnesses sooner or later leads to screening out because of gender, sexual orientation, intelligence, hair-color, physical skills etc… Genetic screening will only harm the Human Race.We already gene-modify plants and animals, and that has resulted in our vegetables being less nutritious and our animals being unable to procreate normally as well as in some cases carry their own weight.

But Mandatory Parenting School would take care of the problem fine, I think.

I have seen enough ‘out-of-line-parents’, to think that demanding all 18 year olds go through 2-3 years of Parenting School with psych-evaluations along the way, and an age limit for getting kids. No-one under the age of 25 should be allowed to become parents, in fact I am not sure anyone should be allowed to marry before the age of 23, so that when they are finally, certificate in hand, old enough to become parents, they have already been married for a couple of years and have established a working relationship. And as a final exam they should have to care for one of those life-like baby dolls for at least a year. If they manage to do that without as much as a forgotten diaper, they might be up to the task.


Posted in Child abuse, Parenting | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

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