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Archive for the ‘Gender Politics’ Category

It just sucks

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on July 13, 2014


Just think about it – how would you feel if you had questions like this aimed at you, by total strangers?
Are you a boy or a girl? I bet you’re a girl. You’re really a girl, right? You can’t be a man and have boobs. Have you had SRS?

Sometimes I get so tired of the questions…

Posted in Transgender | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

OTM of Being A Man

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on January 10, 2010


“we cannot have mutual healing and enlightenment unless we also have recognition of harm done that goes both ways.”

No woman, except my wife, has ever told me that there is anything GOOD about being a Man – ever. No woman, except my wife, has ever expressed their appreciation for that which is typical male about me, or any man. It is as if a majority of women really think men are useless, worthless and meaningless creatures that they put up with for some inconceivable reason.

I find this realization quite painful, and it also makes me very angry, because I know that I cannot be the only man feeling like this. I know I am not.

I don’t hate women. I find women for the most part to be delightful, wonderful and intriguing creatures, until I see that hard, hateful glint in their eyes directed at me because I am a man, accusing me of all things horrible in the world including things I am either too young to be guilty of or too old to be guilty of, even in a theoretical manner. Every time that happens something dies in me, a piece of my ‘man’ wants to cease to exist, because no-one can stand that much hate.

When are ordinary women, who actually love men, exactly because they are men, (I have to believe that you exist…) going to revolt against the hatred against men conditioned into women from the day they are born? When?

Posted in Men | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Evils of Statistics

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on June 7, 2008


Remember this entry?:

Women Would NEVER…or?

Some of the comments on those two news items in that entry coincide with a comment made on another News Item I posted today:

Young People Have Unwanted Sex
World (tags: Children, sex, dissertation, Sweden )

Henric C
abearsdayinthenews.wordpress.com

One in seven Senior High School girls have had sexual intercourse against their will. Among boys of the same age it’s one in seventeen.

The very first comment was: “BOYS! NO MEANS NO!!!” – no shadow shall fall on the woman who said it, she later came in and apologized and said that she should have included the girls too, and not singled out the boys – so don’t think badly of her.

The point I am using her comment to make is that it is all too common that people have knee-jerk reactions to news stories about unwanted sex.

People simply assume that if we are talking about unwanted sex, we are talking about girls not wanting sex, and boys forcing them to have sex.

Sexism – pure and simple sexism.

Not that most people will admit to being sexist, so they very often try and “save themselves” by referring to a statistical body which will confirm the idea that more girls than boys are being sexually abused and that the abusers are either men or boys.

The fact is that the statistics is skewed. The statistics has an agenda.

The fact is that the male gender-role doesn’t allow for victimization and the female gender role encourages victimization.

The fact is that we really don’t know exactly how many girls or boys are being sexually abused, either by their peers or by an adult they trust.

What we know is that more females report being subjected to unwanted sexual attention than males – but we have no way of knowing if this is a true indicator of an imbalance in the victimization, or if what we can glean from the statistics are the “white numbers” and that there are “black numbers” we are unaware of.

Even an anonymous survey of 4000 Swedish Senior High School Student is a blunt and inaccurate instrument.

The young people being surveyed may very well be lying, consciously or subconsciously remembering incidents where the gray zone between wanted and unwanted is closer to the truth than they are willing to admit even to themselves.

The adult who wrote the survey may consciously or subconsciously have written the questions in a manner that will skew the statistics in the end.

Why am I saying this?

Because we are all victims of the ideas of what is proper or expected of our respective gender-role.

Boys will more often that not write off unwanted sexual attention as not really being unwanted, because boys are (still) taught to take their self-realization as males from the sexual attention they get from girls (or women).

Girls will more often than not write off wanted sexual attention as not really wanted, because girls are still taught to take their self-realization as females from the idea that they are not really sexual beings.

So they will lie.

A boy will lie about not wanting the sexual attention from a teacher because he experienced an erection when she (or he) fondled him.

A girl will lie about wanting the sexual attention from a teacher because she has a crush on him (or her).

Both genders will lie about what actually happened (positive or negative) out of fear of what parents, peers and the school might say if they knew.

So, in the end we cannot really trust any statistics – it was not for nothing that Samuel Clemens said: There three types of lies: Lies, damned lies and statistics.

The best we can do is to make an effort to not apply those horrid gender-roles to our views when we hear about sexual abuse or sexual activity, and try to remember to assume that what is true for one gender is true also for the other.

Unless we do we will never experience true Gender Equality.

Posted in Gender Politics, Statistics | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Women Would NEVER…or?

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on June 2, 2008


Women can’t rape, men cannot be raped….

The Local – Woman Charged Over Violent Rape
World (tags: female rapist, female victim, aggravated rape )

Henric C
thelocal.se

A 32-year-old woman from northern Sweden has been indicted on a charge of aggravated rape after forcing another woman at knife point to perform oral sex. The Prosecutor said that it is extremely unusual for a woman to be charged with aggravated rape.

The Local – Woman Held for Raping Man in Stockholm
World (tags: Rape, Female rapist, male victim )

Henric C
thelocal.se

A 41-year-old woman in being held by police in Stockholm on suspicions of raping a 30-year-old man who went home with her after the two met at an area pub on Monday night.

Isn’t ironic that the very same day when there is a discussion in Human Rights Network, in which it is being claimed that rape and abuse in war-zones is a male thing, and not something both gender can commit, I find these two news stories?

I am going to savour this – not because I think rape is something acceptable, but because I found RECENT news refuting the idea that women don’t rape and men cannot be raped.

Posted in Gender Politics, Rape, Sexual abuse | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

I want the boys to feel bad…

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on April 25, 2008


because it’s fun…” (ten year old girl on the topic of this image on a T-shirt:

BoysAreStupid

Think about this: a picture of a fat, hairy woman, sleeping in a bed. A group of men start making fun of her, saying things like “think about waking up with THAT in your bed!” “disgusting!” “Think about having THOSE legs around you while making love!”

Pretty upsetting, huh? This is nevertheless the style a picture of a hairy man sleeping was commented in a women’s group in a debate forum, and when a couple of men got offended and sad by it, they were driven out of the group with insults and mockery… to this day those women don’t understand that it is just as insulting towards a man as it is towards a woman.

That same women chased me out of a Group for posting a post which said: “All Women are Stupid” and didn’t get why I would say such a thing – they didn’t get that I said that exactly to show how they would react if indeed the tables were turned. Their reaction was exactly what I had imagined it would be. They had absolutely no problem badmouthing men in general, mock and belittle their own husbands and boyfriends, but when I said “All women are stupid” all hell broke loose.

Not only are they misandrists and chauvinist sows, they are hypocrites as well.

Posted in Gender Politics | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

Chivalry – demeaning to women

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on April 24, 2008


I heard an argument a while ago from a woman who claimed chivalry was demeaning to women, on the grounds that it showed male superiority.

Of course chivalry is demeaning to women, it was invented in the Medieval times. How could it not be demeaning to women?? Medieval times were by definition demeaning to women!

I mean, G-d forbid that a man should open a door for a woman at any time especially when both her hands are occupied with grocery bags, or pick up the tab, or offer her his seat on the bus, or offer to carry her 4 grocery bags 10 floors up when the elevator is broken or simply refrain from raping her. I mean that is really demeaning to women.

Men are by definition demeaning to women, and not their behaviour only, but their very existence. In fact anything male is at its very core a degradation of women. It’s a matter of “damned if you do and damned if you don’t”.

If you do not pay attention to women’s needs, you are a brutish bore, and if you do, you are a misogynist asshole…

But smile, E. – at least you get to choose which one you want to be on any given day…

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Posted in Gender Politics | 4 Comments »

GLB Hypocrisy

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on April 5, 2008


Jay Leno made a booboo – he asked actor Ryan Phillips to give his “gayest look” on national TV and the Gay Community is up in arms demanding Leno apologize. He did.

At the same time a Trans Man (female to male transsexual) is being referred to as “she” and lambasted as “damaging the GLBT’s chances of having Civil and Equal Rights by going public with being pregnant”, by members of the Gay Community. Here’s a quote that summarize the stance of some:

[I am] “caring deeply about what his act of self promotion has done to my fight for basic civil rights and the perception at large of our community.”

This comment is trans phobic.

Why? Because the the writer fears that the fact that a trans man choosing to become pregnant and going public with it, which might actually be good for other trans people, as well as people not yet aware that they are trans people, will adversely affect how the US public will see him (the Gay writer) and the Gay Community in general. It is fully comparable to a family disowning their Gay son, out of fear of what their neighbors and neighbors’ neighbors will be thinking of THEM. We all say that is homophobic. This Gay Man is doing the same with Thomas Beattie, and it is connected to Thomas being a trans man, pregnant and publicizing it. If he wasn’t there would be no story and no reason for the Gay man in question to fear that he will be perceived adversely by the general Public.

The hypocrisy of Minorities is sad.

Why are members of the GLB Community allowed to be this blatantly trans phobic while at the same time demanding that non-GLB’s apologize for perceived offenses against Gays?

I as a Trans Man have absolutely no difficulty seeing how “give your gayest look…” is offensive to Gays. However Gays apparently have great difficulties seeing that referring to a man as “she” is derogatory, offensive, and in this case trans phobic.

Posted in Transgender, Transsexual | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Gender Stereotypes and Sexual Archetypes 1

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on October 25, 2007


“…I’m more troubled that boys who fall victim to abuse by female teachers are treated as lucky little Lotharios or junior Don Juans. As you might remember, Details declared a few months back that “we ought to be happy for these pubescent pioneers … any one of those little Miss Crabtree-bagging twerps is probably being carried atop the shoulders of his classmates like some conquering hero.” In other words: Break out the beer — these pubescent boys are culturally sanctioned men!” From Article by Tracy Clark-Flory

This is a perfect example of societal gender bias and how gender stereotypes are being used to both excuse the perpetrators and ignore the victims. Ms Clark-Flory seem to be condoning this, but I do wonder what she means by calling these abuse boys “little twerps”? Wouldn’t that be like calling the female counter-parts “little tarts”?

“But a mainstream media outlet — the Associated Press, no less — has finally tackled this cultural double standard. The article gives voice to 54-year-old Jeff Pickthorn, who was sexually abused at age 12 by his seventh-grade teacher, a 24-year-old woman: “Hollywood, they think it’s such a hot thing when a guy gets laid at a young age. I tell you, it’s not a hot thing.” The abuse left him “with no boundaries” as an adult, and the AP summarizes his life as “marred by affairs, gambling, and ruined marriages.” Same article.

It is good to see that also mainstream media is catching up to what men and boys have known for as long as sexual abuse have existed – that your gender doesn’t protect you against the painful consequences of being victims of sexual abuse, and that women too are perps.

Boys who suffer from sex abuse “are seen as studs,” the article notes, while girls are viewed as vulnerable victims, not by virtue of their age but their gender. As a result, male sex abuse victims have to process their feelings about the abuse while receiving a congratulatory pat on the back and frat-boy punch to the shoulder. Psychologist Richard Gartner, author of “Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse,” said: “A boy is likely, with a female teacher, to claim that it wasn’t a problem, it wasn’t molestation, it wasn’t abuse, he wasn’t hurt by it.” It can be several decades before he comes to terms with the abuse. “In our society, we’re socialized to think that men aren’t victims, that that’s the province of women,” Gartner added. “To say that you are a victim and particularly a sexual victim, for many boys and men, is to say that you’re not entirely a man.”

The ultimate betrayal of boys and men who are victims of sexual abuse is exactly that they are not allowed to view and name the abuse for what it is: ABUSE. That which you are not allowed to name, you cannot properly heal from. This means that not only are we ignoring and diminishing what those boys and men have been through, we actively condone the abuse as something they should be grateful for, because it proves they are men.

Now, that is just sick.

Posted in Gender Politics, Men | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Good Marriages, and Bad…

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on August 27, 2007


 

I saw a woman in Dr. Phil – about elder women and younger men. She used to have a toy boy (yes, she called him that!) until she was in hospital for operation and he didn’t show up… He was “lovely” as long as he looked good and entertained her in bed, but not anymore when she needed a human being instead of a “living doll”… >:-> Instead of looking at herself and realizing that SHE had objectified the guy, she expected that her girlfriend (who had a “boyfriend” 14 years younger) saw her “toy boy” the same way she did. To me it was pretty clear that the girlfriend didn’t have a toy but a spouse, a partner, a friend – a human being.

I thought of my brother who is born 1961 and has a wife born 1975. Her best friend dated his best friend at the same time, but the friend was way too “young” to the relationship… My brother and my sister-in-law are doing fine; they have been married for over 10 years and still love each other dearly and can really count on each other through thick and thin.
It’s not about the age and years between, it’s about the relationship, the way people see each other.

I love my wife – I have for 12 years now and I expect to do so for the rest of my life – despite ups and downs, hard times and easy times we have the best marriage I have ever seen, perhaps with the exception of my mother and father-in-law. 🙂

But there are miserable creatures out there, who for some reason just loves to hate their spouse/SO, to a degree that they’d rather stay in a Bad Relationship and attack those of us who are actually in Good Relationships. I guess it’s jealousy or envy.

Toxic people, people with small lives and small minds and sick experiences they have no tools to deal with. Those people end up in bad relationships – the rest of us actually live happily ever after, despite ups and downs and attacks from others on our happinesses.

So Whiney, Rocket Scientist and Catgal go to hell, whatever our personal flaws might be, we live openly, happily and actually very functional lives.

Posted in Marriage | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

If Dad Gives His Child a Bath …male-bashing par excellence

Posted by Henric C. Jensen on July 26, 2007


Virginia Department of Health AdBackground: In my recent blog post If You See a Father Holding His Child’s Hand, Call the Cops!, I called attention to the man-bashing Virginia Department of Health poster pictured above. I wrote:

“If dad goes for a walk with his daughter and holds her hand, apparently Virginia Department of Health officials wants you to pick up the phone and destroy his life by reporting him as a possible sexual abuser. I would’ve thought this article about this campaign was from The Onion or some satirical publication, but it’s for real. The picture above of a man holding a child’s hand–a touching little scene–is actually supposed to make us think he’s sexually abusing the child. Unbelievable.”

It is assumed that a man holding his daughter’s hand is also abusing her sexually. Can it really become any more misandrist than that?

The supposed aim of the campaign is to encourage people to report, seek help and stop child sexual abuse – and as such it is commendable – but the imagery and assumptions the ad carries is nothing but cementing the idea that ALL men are sexual predators, and that there are no healthy father-daughter relationships out there, or that they are at the very least very few.

The ad makers do not seem to have considered the implications for anyone falsely accused of sexual child abuse – the cost in human rights, privacy, family welfare or even child welfare for those children who are being hauled into Social Services Offices and pressured to testify – often through leading questions and “tests” that are then interpreted, by uneducated SSO workers who are more interested in getting a “conviction” to show off to their colleagues, than they are at actually hearing or seeing the truth.

Groups that have formed to help people falsely accused of abuse are opposed to the campaign. Dean Tong, who operates a Web site that offers help to people who are falsely accused of abuse, said the campaign has the potential to tarnish the reputation of innocent people and hurt children.

“For every case of genuine abuse, there are two or three that are unfounded witch hunts,” said Tong, a Florida forensic consultant who has written books on the topic of false accusations.

The false accusations, the night-mares for the children, the fathers, mothers and relatives while a false accusation is investigated, in a country where the mere suspicion of” sexual misconduct” will end you posted on the Internet “to warn parents”, are horrible enough, without this sort of hysterical and discriminating campaign.

Campaigns like this will only add fuel to an already, in regards to sexual matters “overheated public”, that crave such scandals and sleaze because their lives are boring and unimaginative as it is.

It’s McCarthy all over, “How do you know your neighbor is Commie?” but this is targeting not a politically undesirable group, which is bad enough – it’s targeting people because of their gender. Isn’t that what the Feminist have (justified or not) accused the Patriarchy of doing to women since time immemorial?

Why repeat the mistakes of Patriarchy?

Posted in Men, Sexual abuse | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

 
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